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Gaslighting 

I've just seen this, a tweet where Ghosting is referred to as a form of gaslighting, and it's getting to me.

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that, used enough, can have real and severe lasting consequences.

Ghosting is the immediate and total severing a relationship, which you might not like and may find difficult to deal with, but you also have no automatic right to people's time or attention.

Misrepresentation of gaslighting is happening a LOT lately.

Gaslighting 

Things you don't like, find insulting or disrespectful, things which are hurtful or when someone has a perception of a situation that is different to your own... These are things I've seen described as such and that's not it. This is not gaslighting.

Gaslighting is to deliberately, maliciously misrepresent reality.

Having lasting psychological problems from not having a fixed grasp on reality growing up, because of gaslighting, it's hard not to be annoyed by it.

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Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

I was lied to about things that happened to me throughout my childhood.
I was told lies were true, things that happened never did, things that didn't happen did, that clear and absolute truths were lies. It could be immediately after, days, weeks, months or years. Sometimes mistruths even conflicted.

I have no idea how many of my memories are real, how many are completely made up, what things were said to or about me, what my familial relationships were like.

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Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

It's an extreme example but that's what gaslighting is and does. It's deliberately fucking with a person's perception of reality.

Not seeing eye to eye with someone, an abrupt relationship breakdown, or feeling slighted, those are far, far from the same thing.

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Gaslighting, abuse 

Well this got bigger than anticipated. I don't think I've been able to keep up with replies. Solidarity to all of you who've also been affected by this stuff too, you deserve better 🧡

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Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia expressin' solidarity — yeah — it is Extremely weird and uncomfortable to have 'gaslighting' become the new 'toxic' when like, this is an extremely specific thing where I've been like. forced to agree that I thought and felt things that I didn't; was told I was lying or exaggerating; about things that happened; consistently encouraged to doubt my every single instinct and perception, especially that I had been mistreated; later in life and by other people told I was hallucinating real sensations... like, this language of trauma, abuse, and (related) madness ending up in the hands of sane people with normal lives... like what are they even using it for? dramatizing and moralizing about their pet peeves?? 'ghosting is gaslighting' what the everloving fuck

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@byttyrs Solidarity back at you, I'm sorry you've been through that too. The way you describe it feels very familiar.
I had the conversion syndrome nonsense too, turned out to be a compressed spinal cord. 🙄

I wish there were better representation of what it actually means, being used correctly to describe actual abuse, because in the last year or two I've seen things like this far more than the truth of it

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia I'm sorry you had to endure that. Gaslighting is very harmful. I got my share of that and still suffer from that.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@AzureKingfisher solidarity, I'm so sorry you had it too

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia I still don't know what feelings I have and when I'm exaggerating.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@AzureKingfisher I find it really hard to measure the same thing.

I find myself questioning stuff a lot to ensure I've got it right, seek out context to ground myself in things, and having to firmly correct people when they jokingly misrepresenting things.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia in my case it was luckily not about outer facts that much but about my feelings, my reactions and my abusers actions. He needed me to think I was the bad part and I exaggerated and made things up.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia we don’t know each other, so I apologise beforehand if this is too personal, but I wanted to say that I very much appreciate your take on this issue and that I am sorry to hear you have formed it by going through such a traumatic experience.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia Solidarity, 20ish years of that and now my grasp on reality is so confused and dissociated I can only really say for certain the last few years are 'accurate' in my memory and experiences. But my long and short term memory is blasted into bits lol.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@FrazzledBrynn I am so sorry, I feel that so hard. I still find myself trying to figure out the deeper intent in every damn word from people close and questioning myself for days if something is off

I've started to bluntly confront when people are misrepresenting things, even if it's meant jokingly. Writing down things that happen has helped so much recently too.

Hang in there ♥

Gaslighting 

@sophia Well put. Thank you (and I'm sorry about your experiences)

Gaslighting 

@sophia Couldn't agree more. It's something I've seen on the rise for the last few years and it really fucking makes me angry. Thanks for speaking out.

I've never experienced gaslighting first hand, but I've dealt with the impact second hand; and seeing someone you love have no concept of what is real and what isn't, is truly horrifying. I'm sorry you've been there yourself.

Gaslighting 

@sophia Holy fuck, whoever wrote this has absolutely no idea what gaslighting is 😫 I wish people would take a moment to learn what they’re talking about before going all galaxybrain. Especially about something this harmful!

Gaslighting 

@InvaderXan I am seeing it used incorrectly so, so much lately.

Saying something is gaslighting automatically shuts down a lot of arguments, since it's a known term of abuse. I've seen it mostly in that regard. Few people seem fully aware of what it means so it often works, particularly on 'differing perception of events'.

Gaslighting 

@sophia I think a problem is that, while there have been representations of it in movies and TV (including at least one Star Trek episode), it’s seldom referred to by name. Which is unfortunate, because those are good ways to teach people about these things.

Weirdly, there are posts describing what gaslighting is on Twitter and Tumblr fairly often, and they do get attention. Though, I guess, not enough.

Gaslighting 

@InvaderXan @sophia

I wonder where they got that twisted notion from? Made it up?

Gaslighting 

@ckeen @InvaderXan it's a word that's deeply misrepresented lately

Gaslighting 

That's what I understood. Do you happen to know about the origin of that, @sophia ?

@InvaderXan

Gaslighting 

@ckeen @InvaderXan the origin of the term or its misrepresentation?

For the former it's a play called gas light en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gas_Li

The latter:it has transformed over the last few years, from what I've seen it's mostly as people have tried to frame opponents in arguments as strictly abusive rather than just unkind

Gaslighting 

@sophia

Ah, I only knew about the movie thanks!

@InvaderXan
@ckeen For some reason I thought it was an Ingmar Bergman film. Now I learned there are two, neither of them Bergman.

Gaslighting 

@InvaderXan @sophia a lot of words and phrases have been skewed beyond recognition compared to what they used to mean

cancelling x, emotional labour and involuntary celibacy, just to name a few.

most words that originated in feminist, leftist, PoC spaces are transformed into new meanings, far removed from the source

we're not very protective of our words — perhaps because we also try keep the stance that words can change meaning…

mental health language degradation 

@meena @sophia
Meanings can change and evolve over time, sure. The problem, as I see it, isn't evolution of vocabulary, it's homogenisation. Words with their own very specific usage and meanings become degraded through continual misuse, so that they become interchangeable with other, more common words.

The word "gaslighting" becomes homogenised to just mean lying or having differing perceptions. The word "triggered" becomes homogenised to just mean annoyed or upset.

Particularly when those words are about mental health and abuse issues, this harms people for whom those words are actually intended.

mental health language degradation 

@InvaderXan @sophia so i'm currently reading lareviewofbooks.org/article/fu and wondering how to frame this issue in such a way that we can collectively address it

mental health language degradation 

@meena @sophia Hmmm... I should read this in detail and give it some thought.

@sophia@glitterkitten.co.uk ...whut now?

I mean.

uh.

Ghosting is not fucking inherently abusive. Sometimes it's the way you deal with a toxic person.

Gaslighting 

@sophia I was getting extremely mad online on the other site when people call everything, especially things that are broad and not personal interactions 'gaslighting'.

Gaslighting 

@cambrian_era I was shoving it on my alt over there but really wanted to expand. I just know if I put this on my main it would be leapt on in a second 😬

Gaslighting 

@sophia There's a lot I don't say on Twitter because the tenor of the discourse is... yeah.

Gaslighting 

@cambrian_era it's a nice place to have a very small account. Not so much beyond that

Gaslighting 

@sophia No ma'am to that person.
I hate how broad this shit is people go 'THAT PERSON LIED I HAVE BEEN GASLIT.'

Gaslighting 

@sophia god. as someone who has also dealt with a lot of gaslighting (solidarity friend), this is godawful. 9 times out of 10 that I have tried to explain my reasoning and be a "decent person", it ends up in an argument. Which is what I was trying to avoid. In the end, I don't owe anyone an explanation. If I feel my interactions aren't healthy or conducive to my wellbeing, I dont need to damage that more by trying to explain why. God, this is just the worst take.

Gaslighting 

@ritualnoise Boundaries are good and it's up to you what boundaries you feel are necessary, why, and how you enact them. It might not be comfortable for others but you have every right to protect your own wellbeing

re: Gaslighting 

@sophia I feel this has very similar energy to those who prize *civil* politics over *good* politics

Gaslighting 

@sophia
The silver lining is that the original poster has probably been ghosted for a good reason.

There's a lot of really toxic unsafe people who don't belong in safe spaces and use language to do some real harmful bullshit.

People just don't say 'no' enough, because who has time to fight on the internet these days? I drop out because I got my own social gardens I've cultivated online. Why even approach a person who uses language like this when you know you'll be shouted down?

Gaslighting 

@sophia I know it's kind of a depressing take but I just feel that big spaces eventually spiral into places to fight and pick fights. People who like, seek or instigate fights crowd these sites and the people who are too tired to fight, too done with being shut down with some cool language just decide to stick together in private areas instead.

And I think that's been bad for the social climate on many sites, like tumblr, twitter and so on. The sites are too big.

Gaslighting 

@FimbulK I agree with you entirely. As you say it descends into a fight. There is no way to call out someone for using the language of trauma and abuse like this, you're likely to end up getting labelled abusive in some way yourself and unfortunately once that happens, they tend to be listened to.
It happened to someone high profile the other day and a lot of people are branding them abusive for essentially doing nothing but confronting something unkind about them. It's a losing game

Gaslighting 

@sophia I really hate how negative I am sometimes.

So hey, on the plus side, there's this thread with all these people going "Fuck yes! We think so too!" so there's hope, there's hope.

There's people who know it, see it and maybe just need to see other people agreeing with them. And that can't be too bad.

language misinterpretations ugh 

@sophia

"lately"

I've seen it misrepresented so much over the past few years (though maybe it has been getting worse lately)
Most people misunderstand "gaslighting" to be simply "lying that hurt me emotionally" and it's not and that's so frustrating.

(Also, recently saw someone break "executive dysfunction" down into two separate things, one being "am anxious so avoid task." That's not exdys, that's anxiety?? Executive dysfunction is an actual medical term??

language misinterpretations ugh 

@certifiedperson yeah it's been for a few years but now it seems to be absolutely everywhere.

That is one I've noticed too!

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