Gaslighting 

I've just seen this, a tweet where Ghosting is referred to as a form of gaslighting, and it's getting to me.

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that, used enough, can have real and severe lasting consequences.

Ghosting is the immediate and total severing a relationship, which you might not like and may find difficult to deal with, but you also have no automatic right to people's time or attention.

Misrepresentation of gaslighting is happening a LOT lately.

Follow

Gaslighting 

Things you don't like, find insulting or disrespectful, things which are hurtful or when someone has a perception of a situation that is different to your own... These are things I've seen described as such and that's not it. This is not gaslighting.

Gaslighting is to deliberately, maliciously misrepresent reality.

Having lasting psychological problems from not having a fixed grasp on reality growing up, because of gaslighting, it's hard not to be annoyed by it.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

I was lied to about things that happened to me throughout my childhood.
I was told lies were true, things that happened never did, things that didn't happen did, that clear and absolute truths were lies. It could be immediately after, days, weeks, months or years. Sometimes mistruths even conflicted.

I have no idea how many of my memories are real, how many are completely made up, what things were said to or about me, what my familial relationships were like.

Show thread

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

It's an extreme example but that's what gaslighting is and does. It's deliberately fucking with a person's perception of reality.

Not seeing eye to eye with someone, an abrupt relationship breakdown, or feeling slighted, those are far, far from the same thing.

Show thread

re: Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia I can totally relate, for similar reasons.

re: Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@nikita sorry to hear that. Solidarity

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia expressin' solidarity — yeah — it is Extremely weird and uncomfortable to have 'gaslighting' become the new 'toxic' when like, this is an extremely specific thing where I've been like. forced to agree that I thought and felt things that I didn't; was told I was lying or exaggerating; about things that happened; consistently encouraged to doubt my every single instinct and perception, especially that I had been mistreated; later in life and by other people told I was hallucinating real sensations... like, this language of trauma, abuse, and (related) madness ending up in the hands of sane people with normal lives... like what are they even using it for? dramatizing and moralizing about their pet peeves?? 'ghosting is gaslighting' what the everloving fuck

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@byttyrs Solidarity back at you, I'm sorry you've been through that too. The way you describe it feels very familiar.
I had the conversion syndrome nonsense too, turned out to be a compressed spinal cord. 🙄

I wish there were better representation of what it actually means, being used correctly to describe actual abuse, because in the last year or two I've seen things like this far more than the truth of it

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia I'm sorry you had to endure that. Gaslighting is very harmful. I got my share of that and still suffer from that.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@AzureKingfisher solidarity, I'm so sorry you had it too

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia I still don't know what feelings I have and when I'm exaggerating.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@AzureKingfisher I find it really hard to measure the same thing.

I find myself questioning stuff a lot to ensure I've got it right, seek out context to ground myself in things, and having to firmly correct people when they jokingly misrepresenting things.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia in my case it was luckily not about outer facts that much but about my feelings, my reactions and my abusers actions. He needed me to think I was the bad part and I exaggerated and made things up.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia we don’t know each other, so I apologise beforehand if this is too personal, but I wanted to say that I very much appreciate your take on this issue and that I am sorry to hear you have formed it by going through such a traumatic experience.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@sophia Solidarity, 20ish years of that and now my grasp on reality is so confused and dissociated I can only really say for certain the last few years are 'accurate' in my memory and experiences. But my long and short term memory is blasted into bits lol.

Gaslighting, abuse (personal) 

@FrazzledBrynn I am so sorry, I feel that so hard. I still find myself trying to figure out the deeper intent in every damn word from people close and questioning myself for days if something is off

I've started to bluntly confront when people are misrepresenting things, even if it's meant jokingly. Writing down things that happen has helped so much recently too.

Hang in there ♥

Gaslighting 

@sophia Well put. Thank you (and I'm sorry about your experiences)

Gaslighting 

@sophia it's hard to assess intent though, people do all sorts of abusive things without being fully conscious of it if they've learned it as a defense mechanism.

Gaslighting 

@amphetamine

Yeah. My mother knew she was doing serious wrong but mostly had no idea when she was doing it, even though it was often clearly malicious. She still has the responsibility of what she did.
Having been abused or not fully understanding they've done it doesn't reduce the harm done.

Gaslighting 

@sophia oh yes. i'm no psychologist but i think if you don't realize what you've done and be accountable for it, there's no getting better or stopping the behavior.

i'm so sorry she did that to you.

Gaslighting 

@amphetamine oh absolutely, and problem with that becomes how do you get an abuser of any kind to own up, especially on something so subtle 😬

Most won't admit it let alone seek help, and certainly won't admit any kind of psych problem behind it

Gaslighting 

@sophia i keep coming back to this lerner quote: "No individual will feel accountable and able to apologize—no matter how we communicate—if doing so threatens to define her in an unacceptable or intolerable way. The other person’s willingness to own up to harmful deeds has nothing to do with how much she does or doesn’t love you...the capacity to take responsibility and feel remorse is related to how much self-love and self-respect that person has available."

Gaslighting 

@amphetamine excellent way of putting it, thank you. Gonna bookmark that one

Gaslighting 

@sophia it's from "the dance of connection"

Parental abuse 

@sophia @amphetamine sometimes when we break thru the surface and have an honest conversation, my parents will still ask why i do x, and, sometimes when i have the energy, i'll try to get to the core of x.

nearly always i do x (something they don't disapprove of, or find just very odd) as a pathological reaction of the unrelenting and unpredictable beatings i received from them.

Parental abuse 

@meena @amphetamine there's been occasions with my mum where she'll lie or misrepresent something and I'll outright tell her no. It takes her a moment but you can almost see her mental processing leading up to 'shit, this isn't going to work' and being confused as to why.
She started finding ways to use my husband as a proxy for it, and after several years he started to finally see how it worked and do the same. She truly resents it

Parental abuse 

@sophia @meena triangling is bonkers but it seems to be inherent to how humans do

Parental abuse 

@sophia @amphetamine they feel disturbed and hurt that i could possibly feel that way! they only had our best interest in mind. after all, they brought us from war in Bosnia to Vienna, a metropolis! provided us with all we need: 4 walls, food, money, a satellite dish

i usually leave it at that. i don't try to explain how those things aren't love, especially not when coupled with unrelenting and unpredictable beatings and verbal and emotional abuse.

Parental abuse 

@meena @amphetamine fucking hell, I'm so sorry. The mental gymnastics there are absolutely wild 😕
You deserve so much better than that

Parental abuse is fucking over, lol 

@sophia @amphetamine i do.

that's why i now live a thousand kilometres away from them, and that's how i can now be happily trans, and ten thousand times a better parent than they could even possibly imagine anyone to be.

Gaslighting 

@sophia Couldn't agree more. It's something I've seen on the rise for the last few years and it really fucking makes me angry. Thanks for speaking out.

I've never experienced gaslighting first hand, but I've dealt with the impact second hand; and seeing someone you love have no concept of what is real and what isn't, is truly horrifying. I'm sorry you've been there yourself.

Sign in to participate in the conversation
glitterkitten

sparkle sparkle, bitches